| Author |
Tech Conversations.... |
Fatal Rocko Willis
Fleet Admiral
Fatal Squadron
Joined: March 01, 2003
Posts: 1336
From: Kentucky
|  Posted: 2007-10-07 21:10
So you think you want to be Tech Support do yah? This are supposed to be actual Tech Support Conversations... take it at what you want... but I bet there are times that techies get stupid calls like this...
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Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Customer: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."
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Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."
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Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
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Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"
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Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?"
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This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he sued the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause."
Operator: "Mr. Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared."
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Op erator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power .... A power failure ? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"
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Enterprise
Chief Marshal
Raven Warriors
Joined: May 19, 2002
Posts: 2576
From: Hawthorne, Nevada
| Posted: 2007-10-07 21:27
That guy is my hero.
-Ent
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Joe dirt
Fleet Admiral
Joined: April 18, 2006
Posts: 273
| Posted: 2007-10-07 22:01
lmao
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Doran
Chief Marshal
Galactic Navy
Joined: March 29, 2003
Posts: 4032
From: The Gideon Unit
| Posted: 2007-10-07 22:44
never misunderestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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DarkSpin
Captain
Sanity Assassins
Joined: August 03, 2005
Posts: 651
From: Somewhere in the USA
| Posted: 2007-10-07 23:07
omg are people that stupid? o wait im that stupid hehe
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(- _ -) - Email: admin@inductivesoul.us
(' o ') - Website: DIAU.NET
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HMSBlueprint
Joined: October 28, 2006
Posts: 119
| Posted: 2007-10-08 12:40
haha i just felll off my chair laughing thats a good one
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*w00tness teh panduh love HMS Blueprint {Anti-Doran} long time.
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BackSlash
Marshal
Galactic Navy
Joined: March 23, 2003
Posts: 11183
From: Bristol, England
| Posted: 2007-10-08 13:00
Ah, if only you could do that...
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Drafell
Grand Admiral
Mythica
Joined: May 30, 2003
Posts: 2449
From: United Kingdom
| Posted: 2007-10-08 13:22
@Jack.
But is that not what we use DarkSpace for?
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It's gone now, no longer here...Yet still I see, and still I fear.rnrn
rnrn
DarkSpace Developer - Retired
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Eledore Massis [R33]
Grand Admiral
Templar Knights
Joined: May 26, 2002
Posts: 2694
From: tsohlacoLocalhost
| Posted: 2007-10-08 21:47
Been doing nothing but tech related work for the last two weeks.
So i think i can post a couple here.
I like our rules
article 1.c."rented processes are seen as the same as a rented server"
article 3.a.9 section 2. "no service hosted on your server may interfere with other services hosted by our company."
article 3.a.9 section 5. "You may not use your knowledge of our server park to preform illegal or disrupting actions to our hosted services in our company.
article 3.b.1 section 1. "Any action described in articles 3.a may shall be seen as breach of contract and may result in termination of provided and hosted services.
-- more --
(names changed since i can't remember nor do the care)
Net-service= loggin in to irc.##.net | joining #scriptkiddie
kHªçKê®: net-service who the hell are you
7331R388U: some one who thinks he can keep up with us maby
Net-service: no just some one who had his iis whacked by some group called scriptkiddie.
7331R388U: w000t thats might be us, want more ?
kHªçKê®: most iis are not protected, mostly one or two scripts could bring it down.
kHªçKê®: why you asking us not to do it again?
Net-service: i don't need to ask script-noobs for somthing like that
7331R388U: challanging us?
7331R388U: because than you picked the wrong group.
Net-service: just came here to ask you to stop harassing our servers or else.
kHªçKê®: we can ddos your connection so bad your isp will complain.
7331R388U: or else? what report us were using bots.
kHªçKê®: we will harness your servers more because you asked nicely
Net-service: why don't you try it on our public main server, i doubt you can even increase its load.
7331R388U: your going be toast!
kHªçKê® whispers to 7331R388U: his ip is 127.0.0.1
kHªçKê® has disconnected. (Connection reset by peer)
7331R388U has disconnected. (Connection reset by peer)
Net-service sets mode +o Net-service
Net-service changes topic to 'you broke your rental server contract, you have 24 hours to back-up any data. after that contract will be terminated. your hosting company.'
Net-service has disconnected.
front line support calling to technical department to verify existing clients connection.
FTS: Hello mike i got a problem with a customer, financially everything is in order but the service-app won't let me check his adsl connection.
INO: whats the client number?
FTS: 471-W3-8447
--
INO: ... Are you absolutely sjure everything is financially in order?
FTS: Uuh yes why you ask.
INO: Well its not our problem, nor is it the clients failt.
FTS: What do you mean do you see a open connection.
INO: No you better call marketing about this becous, theorecicaly he is 4 kilometers to far from the closest ADSL city box, he never should have been able to order a adsl connection.
FTS: He what?
INO: Line reports; no connection, to much noise, line length +8Km,
FTS: How am i gona explain this, the client already payed.
INO: What we usualy do, escalate problem to marketing.
marketing scruwed up technialy, marketing fixes by paying more.
This one happend two weeks ago.
(We laughed out when martin let us listen to the tape.)
FTS: Martin i got a client with problems to Rcon connection to his server.
FTS: This is a services problem but the already when home early.
FTS: Client seems to be willing to get the problem fixed, but i don't know annything his server.
Martin: Ill take it, maby ill be productive today.
FTS: The clients servers are located in room 4 blue 7.
Martin: Fine direct call to my phonebox and connect it to phone jack 437 ill take take him when i get there.
--
Martin: Server noc personel sorry for the hold how can i help you.
Client: Hello i espect you already have been told but i have a problem connecting to one of our servers hosted at you.
Client: I can't connect to the Rcon.
Martin: Whats the servers last ip digit.
Client: Its 217, need the host name.
Martin: No tanks, so what client-program are you using to connect to the server.
Client: Just putty, need to adjust the back-up script but web interface isn't working properly and we need this back-up script chanced today.
Martin: Ok the server has his remote console service running second i see no problem with the VPN connection.
Client: I don't have a VPN connection.
Martin: You do have a silver hosting and support and a silver company automation contract do you not?
Client: No we have a gold one and a silver back-up plan and level 7 internet access.
Martin: Did we made adjustments to your network for better server access?
Client: Yes you did two years ago, but this is all on file.
Martin: Sorry i don't have that info instantly available, I normally don't do tech support.
Client: O sorry.
Martin: Never mind, where did you set your putty to connect to.
Client: Uugh i try to connect with SSH to port 22 to 213.23#.###.217
Martin: Thats his external ip that won't work with SSH on port 22
Client: Why not?
Martin: There are two ways to contact your server either by public ip and trough your company's vpn tunnel.
Martin: Or if you are connected to our VPN server with autorisation to connect to your server.
Client: So i need to buy a other one of your service packs to get access to the console of our server.
Martin: Not at all. i see the server is called back2u.doodman.nl
Martin: Instead of a IP you can fill in back2u.doodman.nl or get the dns address from it i think its 10.3.7.217
Client: Hold on, let me try that.
Client: Look at that back2u.doodman.nl works have yet to try that ip number but this is working already.
Martin: Glad to help and ill fill in a report to services that the might want to explain how the networks are connected to eachother.
Client: If you would to that than please, we know that everything works but we somthimes ask our selfs how.
Client: Tank you for your time, and i realy do.
Martin: No problem, you noticed a flaud in our afterservice. so from us tank you to.
Client: bpeeep, bpeeep
Martin: beep, bip, beeep. (dailing FTS)
--
FTS: yes arnold here.
Martin: Listen arnold no matter how stupid, simple or retarted question, verify that the are who the are, and then do the basics.
Martin: You want to know the clients problem of just listen and ask question no matter how stupid you might look.
Martin: Even if you don't know annything even those questions lead to answers.
Martin: You know what that clients problem was. bad information at the client, maby coased by our afterservice or not.
Martin: But it was just a simple ip host problem in putty, even a intern can solve that, you wasted your own time and mine.
Martin: anny questions?
FTS: If i didn't gave you this client would you be playing WIC instaid?
Martin: bpeeep, bpeeep
Maby will add more.
_________________
DS Discordion
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FlyD4wn
Fleet Admiral
Joined: October 19, 2004
Posts: 138
From: Netherlands
| Posted: 2007-10-09 04:28
haha, Yes, i worked at a helpdesk.. of tiscali(a internet provider here in the Netherlands) some people are so dumb.. I had 1 guy, that did not even knew what the power button was....
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Axianda The Royal
Fleet Admiral
Terra Squadron
Joined: November 20, 2001
Posts: 4273
From: Axianda
| Posted: 2007-10-09 11:08
one question that i had ill never forget.
was called about an email, the question was and i quote
Excuse me im trying to send an email but how do you get a cricle around the a ?
@_@
i hung up and made an appointment to remove my funnybone...
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- Axi
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Tikki
Cadet
Raven Warriors
Joined: March 10, 2005
Posts: 132
From: Canuckistan
| Posted: 2007-10-12 05:59
Quote:
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INO: ... Are you absolutely sjure everything is financially in order?
FTS: Uuh yes why you ask.
INO: Well its not our problem, nor is it the clients failt.
FTS: What do you mean do you see a open connection.
INO: No you better call marketing about this becous, theorecicaly he is 4 kilometers to far from the closest ADSL city box, he never should have been able to order a adsl connection.
FTS: He what?
INO: Line reports; no connection, to much noise, line length +8Km,
FTS: How am i gona explain this, the client already payed.
INO: What we usualy do, escalate problem to marketing.
marketing scruwed up technialy, marketing fixes by paying more.
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ENTIRELY too common a problem. Either distance checks are inaccurate or sales doesn't look it up or they don't care. At least most customers understand when they come up out of range, but there's always those ones who don't...
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I'm going to start wounding you now. I don't know when I'll stop.
Commander of the Missle Cruiser 'Nevermore'
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Lacrosseian
Fleet Admiral
Raven Warriors
Joined: October 01, 2004
Posts: 1254
| Posted: 2007-10-12 22:30
Quote:
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On 2007-10-09 11:08, Axianda wrote:
i hung up and made an appointment to remove my funnybone...
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Everything makes so much mroe sense now.
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