| Author |
JOKES!!! |
KanaDIEn ^_^
Marshal
Galactic Navy
Joined: March 20, 2004
Posts: 294
|  Posted: 2005-03-04 21:54
redneck walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that
will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the
line model. The redneck is suitably impressed, and buys it.
The next day he brings it back and says, "This chain saw is defective.
It would only cut down 1 tree and it took all damn day!"
The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and
the puzzled redneck says, "Heck, what's that noise?"
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Bobamelius
Grand Admiral
Galactic Navy
Joined: October 08, 2002
Posts: 2074
From: Ohio
| Posted: 2005-03-04 21:59
Ah, I almost laughed at that one. (internet translation: ROFL!!!)
Good job. 
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kenetiks
Admiral
Galactic Navy
Joined: November 21, 2001
Posts: 1130
From: Bandcamp
| Posted: 2005-03-04 22:27
Wait a minute...*stares at hit new Stihl Chainsaw*
And yes I really did just buy a new chainsaw.
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KanaDIEn ^_^
Marshal
Galactic Navy
Joined: March 20, 2004
Posts: 294
| Posted: 2005-03-04 22:43
Mary received a parrot as a gift. The parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a curse: those that weren't curses were to say the least, rude.
Mary tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite things. Words and playing soft music...anything she could think of. Nothing worked.
She yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. She shook the bird and the bird got madder and more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, Mary put the parrot in the freezer to get a minute of peace.
For a few moments she heard the bird swearing, squawking kicking and screaming and then, suddenly there was absolute quiet. Mary was frightened that she might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Mary's extended arm and said:
"I'm very sorry that I offended you with my language and my actions and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior and I am sure it will never happen again."
Mary was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot continued, "May I ask what the chicken did?"
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KanaDIEn ^_^
Marshal
Galactic Navy
Joined: March 20, 2004
Posts: 294
| Posted: 2005-03-04 22:48
ooo wait...i have a good one...
A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was on the run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he found in the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started to move her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room.
The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife and hissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasn't seen a woman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just go along with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do don't fight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!"
"Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "I'm so relieved you feel that way. He wasn't kissing me, he was whispering to me. He told me he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline in the bathroom."
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A Troll =SSC=
Cadet
Joined: August 15, 2002
Posts: 302
From: New Orleans,Louisiana
| Posted: 2005-03-05 00:16
lol excon thing kicking for u huh lol
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Hell hath no fury like a shattered star.
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Coeus {NCX-Charger}
Admiral, I can't read,
Sundered Weimeriners
Joined: February 16, 2004
Posts: 3635
From: South Philly
| Posted: 2005-03-05 00:32
Man walks into a bar, says "OW!"
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Darkspace: Twilight
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kenetiks
Admiral
Galactic Navy
Joined: November 21, 2001
Posts: 1130
From: Bandcamp
| Posted: 2005-03-05 00:51
This guys goes to the doctor and says, "I'm having nightmares, first night I dreamed a teepee, and last night I dreamed a wigwam!" Doc says "relax, you are two tents".
Lamest joke I could remember.
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Darkspacian [R33]
Cadet
Joined: August 27, 2002
Posts: 253
From: USA
| Posted: 2005-03-05 01:45
-.-
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Archon
Grand Admiral
Joined: October 14, 2003
Posts: 331
From: Queensland, Australia
| Posted: 2005-03-05 07:54
the lame'ist joke i can think of is....
Why did the little boy fall off his bike? Cause the next door neighbour threw a fridge at him.
[ This Message was edited by: Archon on 2005-03-05 07:54 ]
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~Insanity Is Only The Beginning~
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kenetiks
Admiral
Galactic Navy
Joined: November 21, 2001
Posts: 1130
From: Bandcamp
| Posted: 2005-03-05 08:26
Ok you win.
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kenetiks
Admiral
Galactic Navy
Joined: November 21, 2001
Posts: 1130
From: Bandcamp
| Posted: 2005-03-05 12:42
Warning, Redneck joke ahead, read at your own peril. SEMI-LONG
There's this farmer who has three good bulls out to pasture with his stock of 60 heafers. The old farmer decides he need some new genes in his stock and heads to the local auction.
Meanwhile.....
The three original bulls are sitting around munching on some grass when one of them pipes up, "I don't know about you fella's but I been here for years, I have worked real hard to get my share around here. I got 30 heafers in my range and that new bull aint gettin' a one of em."
The second bull raises his head still chewing on grass and mutters, "Well I been here awhile myself, I got me a good 20 of them heafers, that new bull he's bringing in can take a hike for all I care, he aint gettin' none of mine."
The third bull, youngster of the bunch and smaller than the other two, kind of have nerously mutters out, "Well, all I got is ten of the girls, I...I really don't want to give up any of my share e...either."
Moments later the farmer pulls up with a bull trailer in tow with the floor just about dragging the ground. He opens the gate and out comes the RANKEST, NASTIEST, FIERCE LOOKING, RED EYED, SMOKE COMING OUT OF HIS NOSTRILS BRAHMA BULL. And this bull is quite a sight, pawing at the dirt, huffing, puffing, and prancing all of his 1.5ton self around and glaring at the three other bulls.
Now the first bull pipes up real quick, "He c..c..can have 15 of my heafers, I won't be mad at all."
Second was says just as quick, "Yeah m..ma..ma..me too, he can have half mine to, 10 wont hurt my feelings."
About this time they hear the wildest commotion beside them and they both turn and look. The little bull is pawing at the ground glaring at that big ole brahma bull, snorting, fussin' and cussin' at the giant bull for all it's worth.
The first two older bulls said to the little guy, "Just what do you think you're doing? That big old dude is gonna tear you apart!". The little guy just kept on, "Well I just wanna make damn sure that he knows I'm a bull".
[ This Message was edited by: kenetiks {GTN} on 2005-03-05 12:46 ]
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Darkspacian [R33]
Cadet
Joined: August 27, 2002
Posts: 253
From: USA
| Posted: 2005-03-05 12:56
Err.. that was pretty lame. But somewhat funny.
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kenetiks
Admiral
Galactic Navy
Joined: November 21, 2001
Posts: 1130
From: Bandcamp
| Posted: 2005-03-05 13:46
You're not a redneck.....
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$yTHe {C?}
Grand Admiral
Sundered Weimeriners
Joined: September 29, 2002
Posts: 1292
From: Arlington, VA
| Posted: 2005-03-05 14:16
Horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Hey, why the long face?"
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