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The Aftermath of Gone On Holiday |
GothThug {C?}
Fleet Admiral
Joined: June 29, 2005
Posts: 2932
|  Posted: 2006-07-14 11:01
Shortly after GothThug is tortured and that blinding light they give him he passes out and awakes aboard an I.C.C Medical Room, He walks towards a small window and looks at the Colony Station in ablaze and 10 seconds later it explodes takeing out almost every small ship in a 200 GU radius except the Medical Cruiser, The Door slides open, but its very dark, and a voice says, "well, glad to see yer up and about, how you feelin this fine day? good i hope" "where the hell am i, and what was that light?" "oh, you'll be fine in a day or 2, you suffered an enormous amount of that neural toxin they gave you, Azreal is very punctual about interrogations" GothThug hobbles towards the closet and gets out his UGTO uniform " i must get back too barnards and apologize for what i did" "ooh" he closes the door " sorry gothie but you have alot of explainin to do, you're due in Tau ceti at 0800" "fine" "oh and here is a shot of some good drugs into your system, you should be feeling "good" in no time"
Meanwhile in Tau Ceti on the Ocean World of Alantis GothThug is debreifed by Grand Chancellor Valerius on his wonderful job however is disappointed with how it was handled "i am pleased by thisssss" Hisses Valerius being t hat he's half human half reptilian. "did you really think those Uggiessss were gonna suspect you?" "no i didnt, except i got really agitated and angry, and well i kinda went Engie Farming and killed alot of them and uh well, lets just say they got payback" Goth Rubs his chest because he was poked and prodded to much and is VERY sore in his lower back cause he was kicked and kicked "No human should have to endure this much pain, and for christs sake im a marine i shouldnt cry this much oh wait, in a desperate act i think about bad stuff that makes me cry and well...." he stops short just as a Red Alert is sounded.
"well gothie it looks like the Icarus want to speak with you...what have you done now?" "nothing other than the fact i saw..." Just then 18 Antimatter Ballistic Torpedos hit the station damaging the Bridge slightly "WHAT THE HECK? BRIDGE STATUS REPORT!" "the kluth have somehow developed Ballistic Antimatter Bursts, they are angry and they want GothThug" " well gothie, it looks like you're a Target by both UGTO and Kluth now, here" Ves gives Goth 5 mil credits and a target too Exathra prime "lay low for awhile this aint gonna blow over anytime soon" "Thanx"
50 More Antimatter Ballistic Torpedos Go at the station but Vesuvious is safely out and then an antimatter Explosion was seen 5000 GU out
"hmm, Track that shuttle! and scan it i want to know who's on it!" Says, Grand Admiral Smartin "its GothThug, but it looks like he's hurt badly from those Ballistic Torpedos, leave him alone for now, we will get that Tub of snot later, i want that ship that Destroyed my hive!" says azreal
To Be Continued.......
heh, this is just my add on from Kanmans Story i hope yall like it 
[ This Message was edited by: Twisted GothThug {C?} on 2006-07-18 02:39 ]
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GothThug {C?}
Fleet Admiral
Joined: June 29, 2005
Posts: 2932
| Posted: 2006-07-14 11:33
The Aftermath Part II: Leonides Revenge
30 minutes after the Evacuation of Tau Ceti GothThug awakens in Pain however, he struggles to get up and tell the pilot to turn the ship around
"turn this ship around or i'll blast you to bits" He says, "okay okay, where too?" "take me to barnards star at Maurbon, and step on it!" Meanwhile, Kanman, Veron, Leonide, and Musiq were talkin about GothThug and just then the alert sounded, Doran came on the loud speaker saying "attention we have an ICC shuttlecraft just outside dictor range of the planets asking for kanman." Now Leonide, Newly promoted to Vice Admiral says, "MAN SCRAP THIS, i want him dead! after what he put you all through!" "NO," says kanman " we will hear him out and explain himself!"
Shortly after, GothThug enters somewhat of an Interrogation chamber but its actually cozy unlike those Kluth Interrogation chambers.
Veron and Kanman walk in with bruises above their eyes and Kanman was limping "i am so sorry you guys, i didnt mean for this too happen, it was my treacherous nature again, i dont know who i wanna fly for, and ICC doesnt exactly fit my flyin style hehe" "Veron says "boy you coulda gotten us killed, or WORSE!" "uh dude whats worse than death?" Kanman says, "uh i'd say torture, slave camps, hard labor, you know stuff like that" "gothie boy "Leonide and Musiq say "its good to see you back man, hopefully for good this time?" "yeah maybe, if i could have the keys back to my jolly good Battle Dread" "sure, but first, we need to get you some medical attention, you look like you've been through hell" "yes i have, The kluth have developed a new weapon, Ballistic Antimatter Torpedos, they can annihilate anything in its path, including planets, Azreal and Smartin tried to kill me before they will try it again, the ICC betrayed me, and now the kluth are after me, and this must be avenged" "goth" leo says "i shall take Vengence, i am newly promoted, i have an Agincourt and a Carrier dread on standby" "w00t" yay, congrats to you leonide."
Too be Continued
bah i got bored lol
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-Smokey-
Grand Admiral
Joined: October 22, 2004
Posts: 784
From: Florida
| Posted: 2006-07-14 11:37
aww man at first i thought u were gonna be gone for the holiday then i remembered there isnt 1
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Peter Wiggin
Midshipman
Joined: November 10, 2005
Posts: 636
| Posted: 2006-07-14 13:54
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHMYEYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Zepher
Grand Admiral
Joined: November 09, 2002
Posts: 181
From: San Antonio, Texas
| Posted: 2006-07-14 21:09
ummm how do you walk away after just being tortured... nvm
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Morden
1st Rear Admiral
Joined: July 07, 2006
Posts: 76
| Posted: 2006-07-14 21:38
No offense.. but isnt it kinda.. like.. egotistical.. to be the star of your own story?
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doda *EP5 no longer exception...*
Grand Admiral
Joined: December 11, 2005
Posts: 1012
From: happy land
| Posted: 2006-07-15 00:08
no offense but are you like superman or somethin.... 
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Supertrooper
Marshal
Pitch Black
Joined: March 18, 2004
Posts: 1895
From: Maryland, U.S.A
| Posted: 2006-07-15 00:13
Well.. The grammar is shotty, storyline is abit too self-centered. I got all this from the first sentence, which is where I stoped reading this..
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Joe dirt
Fleet Admiral
Joined: April 18, 2006
Posts: 273
| Posted: 2006-07-15 00:39
i read it cuz i was bored.. got lost when he said he survived.. i wqas gunning fo rhim to luthie lunch in kans story
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Smartin
Grand Admiral
Joined: August 04, 2005
Posts: 1107
From: Michigan
| Posted: 2006-07-15 00:53
Me let go fly away HA! One alpha and your little "escape pod" would of went kboom. I would of found time shootz you goth. 
[ This Message was edited by: Smartin on 2006-07-15 01:43 ]
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Kanman
Grand Admiral
Pitch Black
Joined: August 26, 2005
Posts: 1017
From: Virginia, United States
| Posted: 2006-07-19 21:53
several point:
1) Grammar
2) Spelling
3) A storyline that is actually GOING somewhere would help
4) Are you crazy?! You betray us in the middle of a secret mission, get us tortured for hours, we leave you to your fate, and then we just kind of laugh it off and welcome you back?! What is that?! What the heck IS that?!
5) Conversations that are organized in an understandable manner, so one can know who is talking, and to whom.
6) An underlying detail, or sub-plot, which turns the story from a list of events in a complete story (like the girl Kanman saw in the beginning of my story, which tied in later as he was tortured, and then popped up again right at the end).
7) Creativity. Don't just have them "shoot" at each other. Give details as to the dynamics of the fights. Have characters make kills or maneuvers in a clever way, rather than a brutal force method.
 Detail. Tell me where people are, and what's going on around them. Complete the setting with imagery. I can see the characters, but where are they? Just in some random room?
9) Are you Fragging KIDDING ME?! We welcome you back?! Are we supposed to be HIGH or something?! What is that?! OMG!
10) Just because ten is more well-rounded than nine.
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GothThug {C?}
Fleet Admiral
Joined: June 29, 2005
Posts: 2932
| Posted: 2006-07-19 21:56
die....horribly...get demoted j/k
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