| Author |
"The Beginning of the End" a small narative of the present events.... |
Veronw
Marshal
Joined: December 13, 2004
Posts: 554
|  Posted: 2005-10-21 13:56
Well, I am school atm but I have the first 2 chapters typed up, not long so no worries there lol. I have had a little trouble fitting characters in since I dont know anyone well enough to fit them into a story that makes *sense*....Ill post it when I get home lol
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Coeus {NCX-Charger}
Admiral, I can't read,
Sundered Weimeriners
Joined: February 16, 2004
Posts: 3635
From: South Philly
| Posted: 2005-10-21 17:44
Don't sweat it, just talk around & see what kinda personalities fit in where, and if that fails - just take names & stick 'em on characters =P
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Darkspace: Twilight
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Veronw
Marshal
Joined: December 13, 2004
Posts: 554
| Posted: 2005-10-21 19:00
LOL, well here it is and it isnt complete or ending at a chapter since I am just typing it during my spare time. Post some comments plz, want to know what you all think of my work....
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Veronw
Marshal
Joined: December 13, 2004
Posts: 554
| Posted: 2005-10-21 19:01
“The Beginning of the End”
Chapter I
The tall man walked towards the bridge of the United Galactic Trade Organization vessel Ebon Hawk expecting to see the newly promoted Admiral Veronw sitting there waiting to greet him. He instead walked into a bridge that was utterly chaotic to look at. People were running all over the place, some almost in a panicked manner, and others with the looks of dread on their faces. He continued towards the center of the room to where the Captain’s chair was positioned. He took a hard stare at the chair, trying to see if his eyes needed adjusting. The “Captain” was nothing more than a teenager, maybe in his late teens. He wondered why he had not been told of this, he would have thought twice about coming on board the VCA Carrier Dreadnaught to greet the fleets Leader. The chair turned to his direction, which snapped the man from his daze and into a salute. “Hello, Admiral Dominator_243, I presume?” The teen did not have to look up at the man, as he was almost the same height as the majority of the bridge crew. “I hope your trip here was not too bumpy, we are undergoing a refit at this time…” The Admiral retorted this with a casual comment, “Oh, no, the trip to your fine ship was not bumpy at all, but your….age has surprised me…” This would have made the average Human uneasy, but fortunately, he was an Alien. “Ah, but my age means nothing to my race good sir, you see we are not mundane as your species is at a young age. We maintain a large amount of gained memory….not to mean offense…” The Admiral looked down at the teen, and saw a Human boy, which made him wonder were this “alien” nonsense came from. Though the fact that he did retain almost all of the things he had learned at the UGTO training academy was true, he still questioned his authority, which was one reason he was on board. “Would you mind if I stayed and watched you command your prized vessel?” The Captain did not look worried by this remark, which would later be noted as a non-human response, and made a hand gesture that meant “yes” as he seemed to be very busy with something. “May I ask what it is you are doing?” The Admiral took a small glance at the data-pad, and the counsel to see what was written there. The Captain let him see and said, “Oh, it is nothing, just a record of the past year’s exploits, victories, enemies, and such. Nothing that concerns the bridge crew, or the ship. It is something I am transporting back to my homeworld for my “family” there.” “Ah, well then when do we leave port?” The Captain put a small smirk on his face as he said “We just did and I intend to take her on a shakedown cruiser to Isemene first.” And the Ebon Hawk left the port and headed for Isemene, her crew unaware that that was were the K’luth were planning their invasion of the Barnards Star System from.
Chapter II
“Helmsmen, I want the ship moving at 5.5gu please. Lieutenant, put the Jasha Portman on viewer please and notify the Isemene outpost station that we will be arriving there in 3 hours. Thank you.” The Ebon Hawk pulled away from the scaffolding that kept the ship docked with the Maurbon Construction facilities and set a course for the near by moon of Jasha. Once docked at Jasha, they would be able to refuel and refit the ship with bomber fighter squadrons that could decimate a planet with a few rounds of bombs. “So, I thought you said we were leaving?” The Captain turned to face the Admiral with a stone look; apparently aliens have emotions as well. “Admiral, I must insist that you do not, oh what do you Humans call it, back seat drive, I believe? It distracts my crew from their duties… thank you” The larger ship pulled its bulk into orbit around the Jasha moon of the Maurbon cluster and began the crew transfer that it needed to begin its operation into K’luth space and during this time Dominator_243 watched 13 ships come and go from the massive orbital ports and shipyards at Jasha. He was growing wrestles. This was not what he did. He was not an Admiral who just absorbed the title and began his work at a desk. He was a man of Combat, a warrior so to speak. He lost his train of thought when the ship lurched a small amount as it once again broke orbit of a planet in the Maurbon cluster and headed for its destination. He sighed and walked towards one of the holo-counsels. He turned it on and accessed the main UGTO command database so he could see what the situation with the ICC was. He knew that the K’luth forces had been drained out of the Cincinnati System, but no one knew why, which was the reason for this voyage to Isemene. He looked over piles of information before he realized that the Maurbon cluster was not the area he was looking at anymore, he was looking out into deep space. Apparently Veronw had failed to mention the fact that they were only going to take 3 hours at Jasha, and not at the trip. He went to the bridge section of the Carrier and walked once again to Veronw’s command chair. He was barking out orders, not what he should be doing on a shakedown cruiser, and was ordering his gunmen to aim weapons at something. He knew something was wrong but he could make out what between all the panicked chatter. “Sir! We have an enemy fleet de-cloaking near Isemene! The planet is only an outpost Sir! They don’t stand a chance!” Veronw’s face hardened, like that of a seasoned warrior who knew that a large scale battle was upon them. “Alright, helmsmen, looks like this cruiser has been brought to a halt, bring us to broadside of their fleet, and make sure you keep us at least 1000gu away from them, don’t want them cloaking and coming up all around us like the others. Gunners, arm your weapons and keep firing them, this is going to be one heck of a fight, let’s make sure we kill some K’luth, need some pelts anyways heh….” Now Dominator_243 knew why he had been enlisted and promoted by UGTO Central Command. He was a leader and a fine combatant as he listlessly ordered his bridge crew to prepare for their deaths, if they didn’t perform right. “Sir, Enemy ship de-cloaking off the port bow!” The Ebon Hawk made a hard turn to starboard to avoid the mass of antimatter torpedoes coming from the de-cloaked Scale. All the while Veronw was barking out orders to his crew, “Helmsmen, hold her steady at a broadside angle. E
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Dark Spacer
Cadet
Joined: June 11, 2005
Posts: 36
| Posted: 2005-10-25 23:10
If this is a fantasy story, here is the rest of chapter two and part of chapter three:
“The Beginning of the End”
Chapter I
The tall man walked towards the bridge of the United Galactic Trade Organization vessel Ebon Hawk expecting to see the newly promoted Admiral Veronw sitting there waiting to greet him. He instead walked into a bridge that was utterly chaotic to look at. People were running all over the place, some almost in a panicked manner, and others with the looks of dread on their faces. He continued towards the center of the room to where the Captain’s chair was positioned. He took a hard stare at the chair, trying to see if his eyes needed adjusting. The “Captain” was nothing more than a teenager, maybe in his late teens. He wondered why he had not been told of this, he would have thought twice about coming on board the VCA Carrier Dreadnaught to greet the fleets Leader. The chair turned to his direction, which snapped the man from his daze and into a salute. “Hello, Admiral Dominator_243, I presume?” The teen did not have to look up at the man, as he was almost the same height as the majority of the bridge crew. “I hope your trip here was not too bumpy, we are undergoing a refit at this time…” The Admiral retorted this with a casual comment, “Oh, no, the trip to your fine ship was not bumpy at all, but your….age has surprised me…” This would have made the average Human uneasy, but fortunately, he was an Alien. “Ah, but my age means nothing to my race good sir, you see we are not mundane as your species is at a young age. We maintain a large amount of gained memory….not to mean offense…” The Admiral looked down at the teen, and saw a Human boy, which made him wonder were this “alien” nonsense came from. Though the fact that he did retain almost all of the things he had learned at the UGTO training academy was true, he still questioned his authority, which was one reason he was on board. “Would you mind if I stayed and watched you command your prized vessel?” The Captain did not look worried by this remark, which would later be noted as a non-human response, and made a hand gesture that meant “yes” as he seemed to be very busy with something. “May I ask what it is you are doing?” The Admiral took a small glance at the data-pad, and the counsel to see what was written there. The Captain let him see and said, “Oh, it is nothing, just a record of the past year’s exploits, victories, enemies, and such. Nothing that concerns the bridge crew, or the ship. It is something I am transporting back to my homeworld for my “family” there.” “Ah, well then when do we leave port?” The Captain put a small smirk on his face as he said “We just did and I intend to take her on a shakedown cruiser to Isemene first.” And the Ebon Hawk left the port and headed for Isemene, her crew unaware that that was were the K’luth were planning their invasion of the Barnards Star System from.
Chapter II
“Helmsmen, I want the ship moving at 5.5gu please. Lieutenant, put the Jasha Portman on viewer please and notify the Isemene outpost station that we will be arriving there in 3 hours. Thank you.” The Ebon Hawk pulled away from the scaffolding that kept the ship docked with the Maurbon Construction facilities and set a course for the near by moon of Jasha. Once docked at Jasha, they would be able to refuel and refit the ship with bomber fighter squadrons that could decimate a planet with a few rounds of bombs. “So, I thought you said we were leaving?” The Captain turned to face the Admiral with a stone look; apparently aliens have emotions as well. “Admiral, I must insist that you do not, oh what do you Humans call it, back seat drive, I believe? It distracts my crew from their duties… thank you” The larger ship pulled its bulk into orbit around the Jasha moon of the Maurbon cluster and began the crew transfer that it needed to begin its operation into K’luth space and during this time Dominator_243 watched 13 ships come and go from the massive orbital ports and shipyards at Jasha. He was growing wrestles. This was not what he did. He was not an Admiral who just absorbed the title and began his work at a desk. He was a man of Combat, a warrior so to speak. He lost his train of thought when the ship lurched a small amount as it once again broke orbit of a planet in the Maurbon cluster and headed for its destination. He sighed and walked towards one of the holo-counsels. He turned it on and accessed the main UGTO command database so he could see what the situation with the ICC was. He knew that the K’luth forces had been drained out of the Cincinnati System, but no one knew why, which was the reason for this voyage to Isemene. He looked over piles of information before he realized that the Maurbon cluster was not the area he was looking at anymore, he was looking out into deep space. Apparently Veronw had failed to mention the fact that they were only going to take 3 hours at Jasha, and not at the trip. He went to the bridge section of the Carrier and walked once again to Veronw’s command chair. He was barking out orders, not what he should be doing on a shakedown cruiser, and was ordering his gunmen to aim weapons at something. He knew something was wrong but he could make out what between all the panicked chatter. “Sir! We have an enemy fleet de-cloaking near Isemene! The planet is only an outpost Sir! They don’t stand a chance!” Veronw’s face hardened, like that of a seasoned warrior who knew that a large scale battle was upon them. “Alright, helmsmen, looks like this cruiser has been brought to a halt, bring us to broadside of their fleet, and make sure you keep us at least 1000gu away from them, don’t want them cloaking and coming up all around us like the others. Gunners, arm your weapons and keep firing them, this is going to be one heck of a fight, let’s make sure we kill some K’luth, need some pelts anyways heh….” Now Dominator_243 knew why he had been enlisted and promoted by UGTO Central Command. He was a leader and a fine combatant as he listlessly ordered his bridge crew to prepare for their deaths, if they didn’t perform right. “Sir, Enemy ship de-cloaking off the port bow!” The Ebon Hawk made a hard turn to starboard to avoid the mass of antimatter torpedoes coming from the de-cloaked Scale. All the while Veronw was barking out orders to his crew, “Helmsmen, hold her steady at a broadside angle. East 25.4. Hold the guns steady! Fire at will!” The uncloaked ships screamed toward the Dreadnought at 12gu per minute! Dominator_243 knew he was not a good commander when it came to a battle, so he just stood on deck and watched. The ships launched a colossal mass of antimatter self-guiding torpedo grappling-hook sticky-tape-like missiles! “Activate the fire-torpedoes and initiate an emergency jump!” Veronw shouted. Now it was a race between both sides of torpedoes and the jump-engines! Then they activated…
Chapter III
…and they ran straight into a million K’luth ships! Literally, there WAS a million. Dominator_243 knew that the ship was doomed, but Veronw wasn’t so sure about that. “All guns at the bow! Torpedoes portside! Lasers starboard! Keep the ship-” He dissolved into a fit of wheezing, and then he continued. “Keep the ship steady!” The ship flew on toward the hundreds of K’luth ships. then right in the very heart of them, Veronw shouted, “Hard to port! Fire all guns!” The ship swung around and all the ships that were to the side of it got destroyed. The ships above and below were still intact. “Roll to port! FIRE!” The ship destroyed all the remaining K’luth ships.
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If your ship is there...let it be...SOMEWHERE ELSE!!
oh my god...someone left a fork in my computer and it has crippled my hard drive...and i am very sad...that my own comp has been damaged by myself...that is my fork...
DARK SPACER
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ParkingSpot
Cadet
Joined: October 05, 2005
Posts: 14
| Posted: 2005-10-26 04:28
Isnt the Ebon Hawk from the game "Star Wars : Knights of the Old Republic" and some normal episodes?
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Veronw
Marshal
Joined: December 13, 2004
Posts: 554
| Posted: 2005-12-07 12:21
uh...its from KOTOR yes....and i wrote chaper III, heheh......it is somehting like a kluth invasion, but the Ebon Hawk doesnt kill them all, it has to retreat from damage, its not a nonreality!! come on even my ships die on occasion and i am not willing to relay false facts even in a story lol....and i have yet to get home to post the rest....
[ This Message was edited by: Veronw on 2005-12-07 12:25 ]
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Veronw
Marshal
Joined: December 13, 2004
Posts: 554
| Posted: 2005-12-07 23:18
and here is the aftermath of Chapter II, with a few improvements....
Chapter II
“Helmsmen, I want the ship moving at 5.5gu please. Lieutenant, put the Jasha Portman on viewer please and notify the Isemene outpost station that we will be arriving there in 3 hours. Thank you.” The Ebon Hawk pulled away from the scaffolding that kept the ship docked with the Maurbon Construction facilities and set a course for the near by moon of Jasha. Once docked at Jasha, they would be able to refuel and refit the ship with bomber fighter squadrons that could decimate a planet with a few rounds. “So, I thought you said we were leaving?” The Captain turned to face the Admiral with a stone look; apparently aliens have emotions as well. “Admiral, I must insist that you do not, oh what do you Humans call it, back seat drive, I believe? It distracts my crew from their duties… thank you” The large ship pulled its bulk into orbit around the Jasha moon of the Maurbon cluster and began the crew transfer that it needed to begin its operation into K’luth space and during this time Dominator_243 watched 13 ships come and go from the massive orbital ports and shipyards at Jasha. He was growing wrestles. This was not what he did. He was not an Admiral who just absorbed the title and began his work at a desk. He was a man of Combat, a warrior so to speak. He lost his train of thought when the ship lurched a small amount as it once again broke orbit of a planet in the Maurbon cluster and headed for its destination. He sighed and walked towards one of the holo-counsels. He turned it on and accessed the main UGTO command database so he could see what the situation with the ICC was. He knew that the K’luth forces had been drained out of the Cincinnati System, but no one knew why, which was the reason for this voyage to Isemene. He looked over piles of information before he realized that the Maurbon cluster was not the area he was looking at anymore, he was looking out into deep space. Apparently Veronw had failed to mention the fact that they were only going to take 3 hours at Jasha, and not at the trip. He went to the bridge section of the Carrier and walked once again to Veronw’s command chair. He was barking out orders, not what he should have been doing at all, at least not yet. He was ordering his gunmen to aim weapons at something. He knew there was something wrong but he could make out what between all the panicked chatter. “Sir! We have an enemy fleet de-cloaking near Isemene! The planet is only an outpost Sir! They don’t stand a chance!” Veronw’s face hardened, like that of a seasoned warrior who knew that a large scale battle was upon them. “Alright, helmsmen, looks like this cruiser has been brought to a halt, bring us to broadside of their fleet, and make sure you keep us at least 1000gu away from them, don’t want them cloaking and coming up all around us like the others. Gunners, arm your weapons and keep firing them, this is going to be one heck of a fight, let’s make sure we kill some K’luth, need some pelts anyways heh….” Now Dominator_243 knew why he had been enlisted and promoted by UGTO Central Command. He was a leader and a fine combatant as he listlessly ordered his bridge crew to prepare for their deaths, if they didn’t perform right. “Sir, Enemy ship de-cloaking off the port bow!” The Ebon Hawk made a hard turn to starboard to avoid the mass of antimatter torpedoes coming from the de-cloaked Scale. All the while Veronw kept his cool. “Helmsmen, keep us at a distance from their dreadnaughts. Gunners, target the station and fire at will. Torpedoes should hit the cruisers if they close in.” It was then that the Barnard’s Star defense fleet arrived and began to draw the K’luth fleet from the battered Ebon Hawk. “Helmsmen, close in with that Mandible and activate the scanners. Don’t want to lose our kill…” In that split second that Veronw had ordered this, his ship moved in to a collision course with the K’luth ship, hopeful that its captain would not want to die that day. “Gunners, redirect fire to the Mandibles fore armor, and fire torpedoes once we are within 250gu. Helmsmen, give her a broadside.” The Carrier pulled to broadside with a jerk to unleash a deadly volley of antimatter torpedoes and to fire its particle cannons. The K’luth Mandible had already been damaged by an encounter with a frigate and it was not prepared to ward off or overwhelm a Carrier Dreadnaught, especially one with antimatter torpedoes. While the Ebon Hawk was closing in with the dying Mandible, another K’luth fleet, not cloaked, came into the fighting, all bearing down on the station that the UGTO had brought in to assist in the fighting. The battle was going bad for the remaining UGTO forces at Isemene.
Chapter III
The newly promoted Commander Leonide was in the middle of a small celebration from his Frigates crew members when they received the distress signal from the Defense Fleet. “Sir, I would like to congratulate you on your promotion to Commander and I would like to say that it has been a hon….” The man was interrupted by a panicking comm. officer, “Sir!! We have just received a distress signal coming from the Maurbon and Barnard’s Star defense fleet! They are under attack from a huge K’luth fleet and are requesting assistance from any UGTO ships in the area!!” Leonide’s ship was only a Harrier Frigate, not much of a combat ship against that many K’luth, especially their Mandibles and Siphons. “Ok then, Helm, set a course for the Barnard’s Star jump gate. This is the Commander speaking, all crew members prepare for combat against a large K’luth fleet. Engineering, full speed and activate scanners.” The Harrier Frigate, Phoenix moved out at its best possible speed for the Barnard’s Star jump gate and unfortunately, the ships destruction.
************
“Sir, we have taken a huge hit in the aft section of the ship! Structural Integrity is down to 77% and armor plating is down to 22%!!!” The Ebon Hawk had become the new target for 3 destroyers that apparently did not like the idea that a Mandible had been destroyed by a Carrier. “Sir, we are receiving a hail from Commander Leonide. He is coming here with the Phoenix and should be at Isemene in 10 minutes.” Veronw’s face darkened. He knew that the UGTO would never stand a chance against this continuous onslaught and if they lost anymore ships they would have to fall back, and there were already reinforcements on their way to Isemene. They could not afford to lose this planet to the K’luth and let it become a staging ground. “This is Vice Admiral Veronw to all UGTO ships in the area. We need to fall back to Ilani and regroup. If we don’t we risk losing this entire sector to the K’luth. Veronw out” He hoped he would get a response or two and have most ships leave. Others would simply ignore him, too caught up in the fighting to realize their own strategic importance to the defense of Barnard’s Star. “Sir, Commander Leonide is hailing us; he wishes to speak to you.” Veronw’s face lightened up at this. He realized that if there were ships coming then no doubt there would be Battle Dreadnaughts on their way as well that could mop up this mess. “Leonide, nice to see you are promoted. Why are you bringing the Phoenix and not the Flying Phoenix?” The Commanders face appeared on the small screen, and it was not a very merry face. “Vice Admiral, I believe you are in need of assistance and I also believe that time is running out for the defense forces, is it not?” Veronw laughed inwardly at his remark. “Yes, time is running out and we need all the ships we can get, but a Harrier Frigate? It won’t last ten minutes in this fighting…” Leonide was about to reply when an alarm sounded on his end. “Sir, enemy Advanced Carrier is approaching, make that lots if them! They are attempting to board us sir!” The viewer turned off and Veronw’s face went into an even more stone like stance. “Helmsmen, take us to Commander Leonide’s position. Comm., ask a supply ship to follow us and also see if that Assault Destroyer will as well.” The bridge crew on the Ebon Hawk were some of the best in the VCA (a newly formed fleet led by Veronw for the time being) and had some of the fastest reaction times in the UGTO, so getting the Ebon Hawk to get to its destination was not hard. The hard part was not getting killed doing it.
***********
Commander Leonide was starting to wonder if the Vice Admiral had been right when he said that his ship wouldn’t last ten minutes in this intense fighting. The Phoenix was taking a brutal beating from the ten K’luth Advanced Carriers that swarmed around it. Though most ships would find such carriers easy prey, it would become significantly more difficult when they were all equipped with psi cannons and with Elite Infantry. “Sir, we got a boarding party coming, and our point defense missed the pods.” Leonide knew that if that boarding party got on board his ship, he would be captured and his DNA would be used in biological experiments by the K’luth Hive. “Have our own infantry squadrons move in to repel the boarders, and get some of our trained crew members to help also. Activate internal defense matrix and keep hitting those carriers!!!”
*************
The K’luth assault pods latched onto the Phoenix’s hull and started to borrow through the armor and hull plating revealing a fragile inside structure. A K’luth Admiral stepped through the opening with his Disruptor Rifle in hand. “K’luth! Move out and kill the Humans!” The Admiral’s warriors moved out killing the first moving thing they found and dragging the corpse back to the pod. “Admiral, I have found a terminal that will allow me to access the defense mechanics of this ship, shall I deactivate them?” The Admiral looked down at his smaller counterpart and nodded a “yes”. The skilled infiltrator started his maneuvers around the many codes and access links in the ships mainframe, not like their own mainframes that were organic and thus could hold vastly more amounts of information. “I have deactivated the defenses sir and have also deactivated the ships weaponry so that it can not destroy the other carriers.” The Admiral looked about the Human ship, examining the carcasses and corpses that started to pile up near the gaping hole that had been formed by the Assault pods. He looked once again at the terminal and read the readouts: ALL DEFESNE MATRIXES HAVE BEEN DEACTIVATED…ENGINES HAVE BEEN DEACTIVATED. He smiled a toothy smile and said aloud, “This will be a good day.”
*************
Leonide reached for a weapon case that was stored on the bridge and started to shoot at one of the K’luth infantry that had burned a hole through the sealed bridge doors. He started screaming at it almost like he would if he had gone mad, “You want some?!? Here you go some nice hot plasma straight from the nozzle!!!!” He shot a hole into the K’luth’s chest and grunted an approval after a quick examination of the corpse. His bridge crew came back into the room and his first officer reported that most of the ship was under the K’luth’s control, and the infantry had been pushed back to here. Leonide put the small weapon down and picked up the dead K’luth’s heavy disruptor rifle. “Let’s go then, we have a ship to save from some K’luth. Comm., find out what is taking Veronw so long?!” He walked through and began to shoot at one K’luth that was dragging a dead man in front of him. The Comm. officer started chartering on the communication systems trying to find out were the Vice Admiral was and if he would arrive anytime soon. Sadly, all he could get was a large amount of scrambled chatter of ships pilots and Captains relaying their position and attempting to get themselves organized to repel the invasion forces. Leonide walked through the cramped corridor wreaking havoc on the K’luth Elite infantry the entire way down it. One of the K’luth said something aloud to his fellows in his language which made most of that squad run the opposite direction they were most likely supposed to be heading. Leonide grunted with satisfaction and looked at the random display of K’luth bodies, which included a variety of classes, from Elite to Green. He headed back to the bridge with the few that followed him. “Ok, we have managed to drive them off so far, but we still need to get control of the ship back, or at least get the Vice Admiral’s help. Here is the plan, you two go down to Engineering and see if you can get any other survivors to the bridge, as that is were the meeting point will be. You three will need to get down to the ammunitions locker and grab a few more rifles and power packs so that we can maintain our position. The rest of you will need to guard the bridge from enemy incursion and use some of the scrap as cover.” He watched with satisfaction as his men and women assorted themselves to their tasks. He returned to the bridge and started to hack into his own systems to see if he could get anything back under his control. All the while he thought to himself, Were is Veronw??!
**********
The K’luth Admiral walked towards the rambling creature that had been an Elite human Infantry commander to see what he might learn from it about the ships crew compliment. “Human, what are the defenses of this ship?! How many infantry are there!? Speak, or I shall slit your throat!!!” The Human stuttered badly in his reply to the K’luth while holding his own neck as in fear that it would be ripped away from him if he replied poorly. “ We..wel….well…yo..you….you see……I…I…I..do..don’t know….how many…….” He was cut off after he said “many” as he had enraged the Admiral. “YOU INSALENT FOOL!!!!!” the Admiral broke his neck twice and threw his body into the heavy metal plating with a loud crack that would have turned the stomach of a lesser being. He was not pleased at the outcome of this interrogation, and this supposedly easy capture as almost 50% of his boarding party had died. He wanted the commander of this ship in front of him, pleading for his life so as to give him the satisfaction of ending it.
***************
Veronw was pushing at his bridge crew to make his ship go faster in a desperate attempt to rescue Commander Leonide’s crew from the apparently attacking Advanced Carriers. “Faster! If we don’t make it in time, then the Commander will end up dead and those carriers will turn on us! Engineering, I want our Jump drive active at 200%.” This setting would eventually rip apart any starship if not used properly, and Veronw knew it. He wanted to save the newly promoted Commander from certain torture from any of the boarding party Unit Commanders.
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Dark Spacer
Cadet
Joined: June 11, 2005
Posts: 36
| Posted: 2005-12-27 14:57
Sorry about that...i guess i'm making my own version then...i'll...um, keep us posted...if you don't mind...
_________________
If your ship is there...let it be...SOMEWHERE ELSE!!
oh my god...someone left a fork in my computer and it has crippled my hard drive...and i am very sad...that my own comp has been damaged by myself...that is my fork...
DARK SPACER
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Dark Spacer
Cadet
Joined: June 11, 2005
Posts: 36
| Posted: 2006-01-07 18:09
Sorry. I noticed that i had Dominator as the fighter. I didn't look through the story first (don't fret, i have that part already typed out, if you want to see what i have done, here it is:)
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Chapter III
…and they ran straight into a million K’luth ships! Literally, there WAS a million. Dominator_243 knew that the ship was doomed, but Veronw wasn’t so sure about that. “All guns at the bow! Torpedoes portside! Lasers starboard! Keep the ship-” He dissolved into a fit of wheezing, and then he continued. “Keep the ship steady!” The ship flew on toward the hundreds of K’luth ships. Then right in the very heart of them, Veronw shouted, “Hard to port! Fire all guns!” The ship swung around and all the ships that were to the side of it got destroyed. The ships above and below were still intact. “Roll to port! FIRE!” The ship destroyed all the remaining K’luth ships. Suddenly both Veronw and Dominator_243 shook their heads as if awaking from a trance. “What the tanj happened?” asked Dominator_243. “We seemed to have switched places.” said Veronw. “Well, commanding a ship is one thing, having the captain switch places with someone is a completely different matter.” Said Dominator_243. “Anyway, we’d better get to-…to……to…TANJ, that switch erased my memory! TANJ!!!!” Then Dominator calmed down and looked out at the billions of stars of space, then he took a step and stopped. “Where is my—never mind, I’ll probably not remember how to use the controls anyway.”
Chapter IV
Doran was the captain of the Exterminator, a ship designed to carry, fight, and make a quick getaway if necessary. It also had a crude repair station for damaged parts and ship pods. But Doran was not on the Exterminator. He was, of all places, at the restaurant on Earth where they make delicious beef steak ribs. And that is exactly what Doran was having now. He was sitting at the table along with Backslash *Jack*. They were having
___________________________________________________________
"Tanj" is a not-too-strong swear word found in "Ringworld".
_________________
If your ship is there...let it be...SOMEWHERE ELSE!!
oh my god...someone left a fork in my computer and it has crippled my hard drive...and i am very sad...that my own comp has been damaged by myself...that is my fork...
DARK SPACER
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Dark Spacer
Cadet
Joined: June 11, 2005
Posts: 36
| Posted: 2006-01-07 18:21
I forgot to tell you what i'm using "tanj" for. I'm using it in place of other swear words that my parents won't allow (i'm not showing it to them). If you decide to keep a copy of my version, you can replace "tanj" with the closest swear word to the situation.
_________________
If your ship is there...let it be...SOMEWHERE ELSE!!
oh my god...someone left a fork in my computer and it has crippled my hard drive...and i am very sad...that my own comp has been damaged by myself...that is my fork...
DARK SPACER
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c0ld
Midshipman
Joined: June 24, 2003
Posts: 342
From: UK
| Posted: 2006-01-07 19:20
Dark Spacer; what you're doing its called 'Plagiarism', look it up.
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Dark Spacer
Cadet
Joined: June 11, 2005
Posts: 36
| Posted: 2006-01-07 20:53
Does plagerism apply to changed works?
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If your ship is there...let it be...SOMEWHERE ELSE!!
oh my god...someone left a fork in my computer and it has crippled my hard drive...and i am very sad...that my own comp has been damaged by myself...that is my fork...
DARK SPACER
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Dark Spacer
Cadet
Joined: June 11, 2005
Posts: 36
| Posted: 2006-01-07 21:02
I also have some more questions about it. The defonitions do not point to if you have already changed the work. Also, i'm still sticking to the original theme, AND i'm doing it in the same style as him. Also, HE is reciving the story to. In effect, he is recieving credit. Therefore, it is still considered his work, it's just been modified, but STILL the same theme and style.
Is THAT plagerism?
_________________
If your ship is there...let it be...SOMEWHERE ELSE!!
oh my god...someone left a fork in my computer and it has crippled my hard drive...and i am very sad...that my own comp has been damaged by myself...that is my fork...
DARK SPACER
|
Dark Spacer
Cadet
Joined: June 11, 2005
Posts: 36
| Posted: 2006-01-08 15:53
...besides, maybe this will give him ideas for another story. Here is chapters 3-6 (whitch i have not finished.):
Chapter III
…and they ran straight into a million K’luth ships! Literally, there WAS a million. Dominator_243 knew that the ship was doomed, but Veronw wasn’t so sure about that. “All guns at the bow! Torpedoes portside! Lasers starboard! Keep the ship-” He dissolved into a fit of wheezing, and then he continued. “Keep the ship steady!” The ship flew on toward the hundreds of K’luth ships. Then right in the very heart of them, Veronw shouted, “Hard to port! Fire all guns!” The ship swung around and all the ships that were to the side of it got destroyed. The ships above and below were still intact. “Roll to port! FIRE!” The ship destroyed all the remaining K’luth ships. Suddenly both Veronw and Dominator_243 shook their heads as if awaking from a trance. “What the tanj happened?” asked Dominator_243. “We seemed to have switched places.” said Veronw. “Well, commanding a ship is one thing, having the captain switch places with someone is a completely different matter.” Said Dominator_243. “Anyway, we’d better get to-…to……to…TANJ, that switch erased my memory! TANJ!!!!” Then Dominator calmed down and looked out at the billions of stars of space, then he took a step and stopped. “Where is my—never mind, I’ll probably won’t remember how to use the controls anyway.”
Chapter IV
Doran was the captain of the Exterminator, a ship designed to carry, fight, and make a quick getaway if necessary. It also had a crude repair station for damaged parts and ship pods. But Doran was not on the Exterminator. He was, of all places, at the restaurant on Earth where they make delicious beef steak ribs. And that is exactly what Doran was having now. He was sitting at the table along with Backslash *Jack*. They were having a conversation about fuel costs over the current research program designed to lower costs, but keep fuel efficiency (costs had sky-rocketed ever since that new product came out introducing the “Effici-Fuel, guaranteed to have your custom-built ship flying in no time!”). Doran was taking a drink. He put it down and said, “I
KNOW costs aren’t what they were a week ago. The Ebon Hawk should cut down on fuel, but they’re out somewhere and I predict that their fuel hold won’t hold out for much longer.” “What about the Exterminator? Doesn’t it have Effici-Fuel?” Asked Backslash *Jack*. “My ship? No. Definitely not. It’s too tanj expensive!” “ He took a bite, ripped off the meat and chewed it angrily. He was about to speak, when he saw something outside the window. He jumped up, knocking his glass over. Backslash stood up and looked around, and saw the thing outside the window. “Is that a—” Doran said fearfully. It was. A K’luth ship, right outside the window. That did not register in their heads: why the tanj was a K’luth ship hovering outside a restaurant on Earth? They stood there for a minute, looking like they were going to faint. The K’luth ship sat there too. Suddenly the speaker system activated and a voice cut through the restaurant, loud and insistent. “WE ARE EVACUATING THE BUILDING FOR PLACEMENT OF A K’LUTH HEADQUARTERS, PLEASE RELENT IMMEDIATELY OR WE SHALL BE FORCED TO KILL YOU ALL.”
Chapter V
Of course, none of the people relented. They were too shocked at seeing a K’luth ship outside the window. “YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS TO RESPOND. AFTER THAT TIME, IF YOU HAVE NOT EVACUATED, WE SHALL BE FORED TO KILL YOU. WE ARE SORRY FOR ANY INCONVENIENCE DURING THE 60 SECONDS.” Was all the voice said. Then it cut out. Doran stood up and said, “We do not wish to evacuate the restaurant. If you don’t go away I’ll just have to get my ship and pick you off like a bug on a—” “YOU WILL DO AS WE SAY, EVACUATE NOW, YOU HAVE 25 SECONDS TO RELENT.” “Twenty-five?! You cheat! You bloodsucking little jerk! I’ll have you scraped off my windshield—” Immediately after he said windshield the ship let loose a barrage of railguns, tearing the place apart with near-lightning hot balls of blue fire.
Chapter VI
Where was the Ebon Hawk during all this? Out in space with Dominator and Veronw bickering at each other about the controls and all. They had it pretty straightened out by now. Veronw was sitting at the captain’s chair, staring at the controls, things swimming through his head. He activated an audio transmission to Doran to find out where he was. Since the Ebon Hawk’s transmission system was out of date, the signal took time to get there, so this is what he heard: “—like a bug on a—” “YOU WILL DO AS WE SAY, EVACUATE NOW, YOU HAVE 25 SECONDS TO RELENT.” “Twenty-five?! You cheat! You bloodsucking little jerk! I’ll have you scraped off my windshield—” After that a screaming rumbling noise, then silence. The transmission was over. Veronw blinked, and then played it again. He played it over and over again until he was sure he hadn’t misheard. “Doran told me he was having dinner with Backslash. Could it be—?” “Do you mean a K’luth ship was on Earth?!” Asked Dominator franticly. “TANJ AND BLAST THE LITTLE STINKING JERKS!! What the heck do we do now?”
“We do what we always do.”
“What’s that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Think!”
“Err…Help them?”
“Is that what we always do?”
“You think of something.”
“How about go help them?”
“Then is that what we always do?”
“I guess so.”
“Good.”
Veronw then turned in his seat, sweat running down his face. Both of them—Dominator_243 and Veronw—were not sure what to do. Their memories have been erased out in space and their jump drive was dead because of disrepair. To get back to Earth on fuel would take 67 gallons, and they only had 61 gallons! They had thought that this ship was going to get them a fortune. But as it turned out, it just made things harder for them.
_________________
If your ship is there...let it be...SOMEWHERE ELSE!!
oh my god...someone left a fork in my computer and it has crippled my hard drive...and i am very sad...that my own comp has been damaged by myself...that is my fork...
DARK SPACER
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