| Author |
Genesis |
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|  Posted: 2003-07-10 23:05
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.
And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the universe, except for the neat particle effects in jump and the beams that went through solid ships.
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light, and God saw that it was good, until shortly thereafter He e-jumped into the light (which was Procyon A) and lost a modded assault dread.
And on the second day God created the n00bships of the void: scout and frigate He created them, carrier and engineer; and God saw that these ships sucked, and that was good.
On the third day God created the great ships of the void, destroyers and cruisers and dreads; mighty were these as they surveyed the heavens (except for the combat dread, which is less mighty than a tiny baby). And God saw that they were good, especially the assault cruiser with two reactors, and thereafter God always kind of regretted letting people mod.
On the fourth day God created the Station, and set it above all other ships in the void. Reloads he gave unto them, and said "Go forth and multiply, and be happy; but eat thou not of the Tree of Exploitation, or be cast out of the garden forever." And at the gates of the garden he put a flaming Admin to harry those who fell.
And the ships of all sizes went forth and commenced combat, joyously lobbing torpedoes at one another and complaining about the K'Luth, nobody understanding their place in God's plan.
And on the fifth day God said, "I have run into some trouble with things, and the fifth day's work will not be completed until the sixth day." And the ships shrugged and continued killing one another happily, and on Sunday they would come to the gathering place and complain about Boarding, and Assault Cruisers, and Flux Waves in turn.
And on the sixth day there was nothing new, and God said nothing about it, and when the ships gathered at the gates of the Garden the flaming Admin rebuked them, saying, "Have ye no faith in God? Creation will be finished on the seventh day, as it has been foretold." So the ships went forth and continued scumming for prestige as had always been the way.
And lo, on the seventh day there was still nothing new, and now the flaming Admin was rather unhappy with God's supplicants, saying "You have no idea how hard Creation is. God is working on it, and if we tell you when Creation will be done and miss the date you will all make a great noise unto Heaven, and we have had quite enough of that already."
As time went on it came to light that God was actually designing a whole new heaven and earth, as sin and corruption and modding had completely unbalanced this one. And the ships of the void looked forward not to the next life, but to the one beyond that; for that was when the K'Luth would finally suck as much as everybody else.
And on the two hundred seventeenth day of Creation there was much lamentation, but no one dared speak it aloud save for a few heretics, for the flaming Admin had long since tired of dealing with this particular issue and was now quick to ban the unrighteous.
Yet some still dare to hope that the Patch of God shall come: but all others ridicule them, for they continue to pay their $10 for no good reason.
---
The next book of the DarkSpace Scripture is "Exodus," but you can guess where that is going ... and I am probably in enough trouble already. 
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conswirloo [V]
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Joined: March 22, 2002
Posts: 254
From: GA
| Posted: 2003-07-10 23:18
Very "book of dweeb"(warbirds document that I'm _still_ looking for a copy)
I like it
EDIT:replaced newb with dweeb
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Keep your speed under 15gu, and we won't have any problems.
[ This Message was edited by: conswirloo [V] on 2003-07-10 23:23 ]
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'A1Tyrael
Cadet
Joined: January 20, 2003
Posts: 322
From: AquaWorld
| Posted: 2003-07-10 23:22
Yes...
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Hello Joe! ;)
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NightDragon
Cadet
Joined: May 26, 2002
Posts: 893
| Posted: 2003-07-10 23:31
LOL I like it i like it
*tumbs up*
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conswirloo [V]
Cadet
Joined: March 22, 2002
Posts: 254
From: GA
| Posted: 2003-07-10 23:31
Ok, for 6 months I'd been looking for a copy of the mythical "book of dweeb" because it made a wonderful counterpoint to a thread about what made a vet, but said it better than I ever could. Tonight, reminded of that search, I do a google search, and it pops up first thing.
For those interested . . .
http://www.freehomepages.com/scrunnels/book_of_dweeb/bod.htm
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